TWISTED
by Mirai2
Summary: A new evil has come to Hogwarts… something even Malfoy fears. Ron, Harry, and Draco are forced to work together. Can’t say much more without ruining the fun. Not for Cho fans. Humor, slightly slashy.
1. Default Chapter

**TWISTED**   
  
  
  
  
Author: Mirai  
Warnings: AU-ness, slash references…  
Author's Note: A new evil has come to Hogwarts… something even Malfoy fears. Ron, Harry, and Draco are forced to work together. Can't say much more without ruining the fun. Not for Cho fans. Humor, slightly slashy.  
  
  
  


Three friends sat around a fire in the middle of a dark wood, chanting, their hands clasped in each other's. The first in the circle was a lanky brunette, the second a short-haired redhead, and the last a blond with slicked-back hair. The chant was garbled, apparently in some other language. Their voices steadily rose, and the fire shot up on the last word.  


So occupied were they with their spell that they didn't notice the person watching them from the bushes.  
  
  
  


Draco Malfoy sneaked back into Hogwarts. Instead of going to Slytherin house, he went up the stairs that could only lead him to Gryffindor. The fat lady looked at him skeptically, but when he whispered "magic school bus," the portrait swung open.  


Draco looked around the common room, and spotted Harry and Ron around the fire. No one had noticed his entrance, and he hoped to keep it that way. "Potter, Weasley," he hissed from the doorway. Harry looked up from the game of chess, and Ron slowly followed suit. Draco thought he had never seen a pair of dumber stares. "Stop gaping, and get out here."  


Ron and Harry exchanged a glance. Harry nodded, and out of sheer curiosity, the two boys followed Malfoy into the hall. Malfoy was being down right friendly.  


"How'd you get in there?" Ron asked, jerking his head towards the common room.  


Malfoy rolled his eyes. "Please. Why don't you tell Longbottom to stop writing down the password? You're practically begging for trouble."  


"I always wondered what happened to my boots," Ron muttered.  


"As if any Slytherin would steal from you. I only came up here because it's important."  


"What is it, Malfoy?" Harry asked, on his guard.   


Malfoy pursed his lips. "Don't think for a moment this means I like you two, or that you can say 'hello' to me in the hall. I'm only doing this for my own safety…"  


"Get to the point already!" complained Ron. "What is it?"  


Malfoy shook his head. "I'll have to show you."  
  
  
  


"You sure this is safe?"  


"There're two of us, Ron. We can take him."  


Draco ignored them, crouching behind the same bushes he had hid behind earlier. They were at the very edge of the Dark Forest. "Sit down and shut up," he hissed.  


"Don't see why I should be taking orders from-" Ron was interrupted by Harry jabbing Ron's side with his elbow. Harry's eyes had been drawn to the fire and the three figures sitting around it.  


Ron stared. "What the hell?" he squeaked. "That… looks like you, Harry."  


"And that's you," whispered Harry grimly.  


"And that's me," added Draco, indicating the bleach-blond. "I wasn't about to face three of them by myself."  


"But… what are they?" Ron whispered fearfully.  


Harry was staring at the three figures. The fire made their features sharper. Harry thought the three resembled Ron, Malfoy, and himself, but there was something just a bit off. They were more… effeminate.  


"I think I know what they are," Harry whispered.  


Next to him, Ron gasped, making the same connection. "Oh! My dad told me about these."  


Draco glared at them. "Spit it out already."  


Harry and Ron looked at each other apprehensively. Harry bit his lip, his response barely audible.  


"Fangirls. I think they're fangirls."  
  
  
  
  
  


"Fangirls?" Draco tried the word out on his tongue. "Are they magical?"  


Harry shook his head. "Not particularly. But what they are is obsessive, and when they do attempt spells, the results can be disastrous."  


Ron nodded seriously. "I read about this actor, James Marsters, who was hospitalized for a month from a single fangirl spell."  


"Shh!" Harry hissed suddenly. The fangirls seemed to be arguing.  


"No!" The red-haired fangirl shouted. "Harry and Ron belong together!"  


The blond shook her head adamantly. "Potter and Weaseley together? That would never happen. Why don't you give it up, trailer trash?"  


Draco smirked. "She's got style."  


Ron snorted, and looked at Harry, who was watching the fangirls with all of his attention.  


"Wait… did they…?" Harry muttered to himself.  


"Besides," the blond continued. "Potter and Draco belong together. It's so obvious… As the saying goes, there's a fine line between love and hate."  


"Um… what did she mean by…?" Ron looked between Harry and Malfoy, who was no longer smirking. Harry turned bright red, while Draco, if possible, became paler. Ron decided to look somewhere else. "Oh."  


The two fangirls continued to argue, their words barely understandable as they shouted over each other.  


"Evil," Harry muttered. "That's what these fangirls are."  


Draco shook his head. "Not evil. That's twisted."  


"Stop!" The brunette finally spoke up, and the two girls managed to untangle themselves from each other's hair. "Obviously, we don't agree on this matter." The two girls shook their heads. "But there is one thing we do agree on." She paused, looking at each girl in turn. "We're here to destroy she-who-must-not-be-named." All three of them nodded. The fire went out suddenly, and they heard footsteps, walking away.  


"Great!" Harry whispered. "They're not after us at all! They're after Voldemort!" Ron nodded, looking relieved.  


"Idiots! Weren't you listening? SHE-who-must-not-be-named."  


The three of them looked at each other. "But… what does that mean?" Ron asked.  


Harry frowned. "I don't know. Until we find out, though, I think we should watch out for them. We can't be sure that it won't involve us." They each nodded, not realizing how perfectly they parodied their counterparts.  


"Fangirls," Draco swore to himself.  
  



	2. The Fangirl Menace

**__________________ Chapter 2: The Fangirl Menace ______________________**

"You aren't hungry?" Hermione sounded skeptical.   


"Actually… " Ron started, then glanced at Harry. "Ugh, no, I was up really late eating snacks in the kitchen." His stomach chose this moment to growl.  


Hermione frowned.  


"Yep, so I'll be sick if I eat anything right now. And, uh, Harry's on a diet."  


"What?? I am not!"  


Ron pinched non-existent fat on Harry's stomach. "You're looking a little pudgy there, champ. Don't worry, Hermione won't tell anyone."  


"Well… all right. I'll see you guys in the library fourth hour." Hermione gave them one last quizzical glance, then went down the stairs to the Great Hall.  


Harry slapped Ron's hand away. "'Harry's on a diet?!' That's not believable at all!" He walked down the hall, Ron close behind him.  


Ron shrugged. "Well, it's as believable as me not being hungry." They climbed the stairs that lead to the astronomy tower. Harry leaned against the thick stones and looked across the field to the Forbidden Forest, where the sun had just risen. It didn't look so forbidding in the early morning sun. Dew drops on the grass scattered rainbows where the sun hit them, and with the blue, cloudless sky above him, it was a lovely morning.  


"So why couldn't we tell Hermione again?" Ron asked.  


"You know how she'd get. We need proof, first, otherwise she'll say we were imagining it." Lovely indeed. Harry just wished he could shake the feeling that something was coming.  


"Morning, Potter, Weasley." Draco appeared at the top of the stairs, stifling a yawn. He had a cup of what smelled like coffee in his right hand.  


"You drink coffee?" Harry raised an eyebrow. Meanwhile, Ron was intent on something else.  


"I'm not a morning person."  


"What's that under your arm, Malfoy?" Ron's voice was dangerous.  


"This?" Draco looked surprised. He pulled a box from under his arm. "Oh, I forgot… um, donuts, croissants, muffins… whatever Jacques got around to making."  


"Jacques?" Ron asked, eyes on the box.  


"Mums thought they weren't feeding me right, so she got together with a few of the important families, and they found aaaah-" Draco yawned. "Pardon. Where was I? Ah yes, Dumbledore agreed that Slytherin house could have its own chef as long as we paid for him." He blinked, looking as if a thought had just occurred to him. "Oh… do you want some?" He opened the box lid.  


Ron looked torn. His fingers stretched toward the box, then he froze. On the one hand, long experience had told him not to trust anything having to do with Malfoy. On the other hand, he was starving. His mouth watering from the smell of freshly baked dough, he reached for a big, flaky éclair –  


The box snapped shut. "Ugh, what am I thinking? Pardon me, I'm not quite myself this early in the morning." He took another sip of his coffee. "Let's see… instead of 'morning, Potter, Weasley,' I meant 'your parents had relations with farm animals.' Oh, and by 'do you want some,' I meant, 'get your own, Weasley.' Anyway, aren't you on a diet, Potter?"  


Harry glared at Ron, but Ron didn't notice, as his eyes were still on the box. "Yeah, he is, but I'm not… come on Malfoy…"  


"This isn't what we're up here to discuss," Harry said.  


Draco nodded. "Potter's right. Um… for once."  


"Where are your goons, by the way?" Harry asked.  


"Oh, Crabbe went with Goyle's family to the Bahamas. Mr. Goyle invited me too, but Mums says Crabbe and Goyle are bad influences. Anyway, about these fangirls…"  


"We can't make a move until they reveal themselves again. Revolting as it is, I suggest we stick together until they do," Harry said.  


"Mmf," Malfoy was melodramatically licking dripping custard off of his fingers. "But you must realize how difficult this is going to be for me. As a member of a higher social class than you…"  


"Yeah, yeah, we won't be nice to you as long as you promise not to be nice to us." Ron didn't seem to blink. "But… Harry and I don't really need you. I mean, we can watch each other's back. You can be on your own against the crazies. Unless, of course…"  


Draco stopped his make-out session with a jelly donut. "But… you're Gryffindors… you wouldn't…" He looked at Harry, but Harry said nothing. "Fine." He held out the box. Ron snatched the éclair he had been eyeing up, and Harry took two muffins.  


"Ugh. I feel all warm and gooey. I hope it's just the coffee. Potter, you're ugly. Weasley, where'd you get that stupid tie?"  


"I'mf nomt wearging a tie," Ron muttered through a mouthful of éclair.  


"Shut up."  
  
  
  


It was agreed that they would only leave Hogwarts if all three of them were together. Malfoy reasoned that Hogwarts was pretty much a locked vault, so they wouldn't worry about it when they were in school; this caused some relief on both sides, as neither wanted spend much time with the other. Besides, Harry and Ron only had a few classes with Malfoy, and skipping class would definitely look strange.  


Everything went fine, until potions. Ron and Hermione had paired up, and, for no reason Hermione could fathom, Harry and Draco were partners.  


"Potter, you dolt, the feather goes in the potion!"  


"Argh! I already put one in, Malfoy. Now you screwed it up."  


"Ahem!" Snape cleared his throat, and Harry and Draco both looked up. Harry expected points to be arbitrarily deducted from Gryffindor, but Snape barely glanced at him. He was looking at the back of the class.  


"Harry!" Ron whispered, tilting his head in the direction that Snape was looking.  


Harry turned around.  


"Let me introduce our three new students."  


There, in the back, were the three fangirls, looking like near-perfect imitations of Harry, Ron, and Draco.  
  
  
Author's note: Um... dun dun DUN! Thanks for reviewing! (Especially Psycho, who reviews everything!!!) 


End file.
